Congratulations, I Am Your Father!
by Porpoise
Summary: Chase was just relaxing and enjoying the nice Spring day. Well... it was calming until Luke managed to track him down. What comes out of this is something... no one really expected to happen.


**Author's Note: **Hello to you all! :D I apologize about my long absence. You see, I was grounded. And even now as I upload this, I am still grounded. -snuck on at 11:00 at night to write fanfiction. HA.- So, yes! I hope you enjoy this story. xD (...you better.)

To be honest, I hate how this turned out. Really. I do. The beginning's fine, but half way through it just... dies. I'm sorry. xD;

It mentions a part or two from 'Cats and Dogs'. You don't HAVE to read it to understand this story, but I strongly suggest you read it. 'Cause it's funny. :'D

NOW. About the title. It's deprived from Star Wars. But instead of "Luke, I am your father.", it's the opposite. Haha. :'D

**Disclaimer: **NATSUME IS MAH FRIEND~.

* * *

There's never a better time than spring to just… relax. The flowers smell so sweet and every sound seems enhanced. Every now and again baby animals are born and just want to prance and bound around the entire island, practically yelling, "Hey! Look at me! I'm alive!" It's quite adorable, really. And the sounds of… wait. Footsteps? I could've sworn that I just heard real quiet ones. Nah, I must be mistak-

"CHASE!" There was a flash of blue and a very large 'thump!' sound next to me. What the… what the hell was this!?

"Holy shit-! Don't kill m-! Oh." I looked at the pathetic lump of a man crumpled up next to me. "It's only you, Luke."

"H-Hey, man. Watch your language. The Harvest Goddess might come and spank you if you swear too much." Was he trying to be serious? I muffled a laugh.

"…I'll keep that in mind." Why was Luke here in the first place? Better yet, why did he know where I was? Kind of creepy, if you ask me. "Hey, you," I poked him in the side. "Why are you here?"

Luke sat up from his humorous position and sat criss-cross applesauce. (oh, god. Did I seriously just say that?) "Because I have more questions to ask you!"

"If it's about animals, forget it. We both remember what happened last time."

"Oh yeah! Julius got attacked by an albino diamond back rattlesnake, right?" Luke smirked, almost mischievously. …Did I see murderous intent in those golden eyes of his? Was he… planning something? Or did he already? Come to think of it… I haven't seen Julius around at all lately… Oh, crap. Quick, Chase. Change the mental topic before you do something you regret.

"Um, no, not exactly." I could see where he made the connection with the rattlesnake though. Because in his mind, it _is_ the opposite of a dog. …Of course, I have to be at fault in encouraging him to make the connection of what the opposite of a dog was. "Just hurry up and ask your question. I'm busy."

"Busy doing what? You don't look busy to me. You don't look busy at all. In fact, you're practically the definition of 'not busy' right now. I should take a picture of you right now and submit it to the dictionary AND encyclopedia in multiple languages so when someone in France looks 'not busy' up, they can shout, "Regarder! Il n'est occupé pas!'"

"…Just ask the question." Since when did he speak French?

"Okay!" Smile, smile. "What would you- yes YOU, Mister Chase- do if I, Luke, were your father?"

"Well, first, I'd probably run up to you happily screaming and crying, 'Daddy! You're alive!'" …That was kind of harsh towards my late father. I feel guilty now.

"Huh?"

"Then I'd be extremely creeped out, because I'm pretty sure I'm older than you. So if you were to be my father… yeah. It wouldn't work out under most circumstances."

"Hey! You're not _that_ much older than me! So it should be okay, right?"

"Luke." Oh, my. This man is clueless. "Do you understand how a child is born?"

"Of course! That's elementary, my dear Chase!" …I was pretty sure that I wasn't 'dear' to him in any way. Apparently, I was wrong. "The mommy and the daddy get jiggy with it, and then the baby's born nine months later! Right? Am I right?"

"…But I'm older than you."

"You probably feel real up on your high horse, right? You're probably like, 'Ooh! I'm older than Luke! I'm just 'gonna keep rubbing it in his face 'cause I'm MEAN!'" …Nice try, kid. But not even close.

"How can you get 'jiggy' with whoever my mother would be-"

"Bo."

"Wh-what!? He cannot be my mother! He's a male!"

"Remember, Chase. Looks can be deceiving." He winked just now. I could've sworn he winked.

"You're implying something. I know you are. I can… I can feel it in your aura. For some reason, I know I don't want to know, but inside, real deep down, there's this little voice shouting "I want to know!". So you better tell me what you're implying before my inner voice eats you, or something."

"Gosh, Chase. Your inner voice sure is violent."

"…Answer my inner voice's question. Now."

"You know, I really wasn't implying anything."

"But you practically called Bo a female. Which can mean one of three things. Or maybe all three. I don't know. One, he actually IS a female, and that would creep me out. A lot. Two, you're in love with him. Which is completely fine with me, by the way. Or three, well, I don't particularly remember the third one. But it was pretty damn rude."

"Chase! Do you want to be spanked?"

"Wh-what? No!"

"Then stop swearing!"

"I will once you tell me why you called Bo my mother!" Which you should've done a while ago, Luke. I'm pretty sure my inner voice is trying to find an opportunity to strike.

"Oh. Because he was the first person I thought of. Now it's my turn to ask the question." He leaned in closer to me. His eyes narrowed. "Why do you keep making fun of my age!?" …Ow… my ears… my ears are on fire…

"Because unless you adopted me, it's impossible to have a child older than you are! It's physically impossible!"

"What about the guy who said 'nothing is impossible', Chase? Did he lie!?" Luke grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me violently. I pushed him away. Why was he getting so worked up over this?

"He obviously never saw a male mother or a father with a biological child older than he is."

"…So he didn't lie? He just didn't know, right?"

"I'm not responding to that."

"Oh! Chase!" His eyes brightly lit up. I cringed and backed away a few inches. What on earth is he up to now? "You can be my father!"

"Don't you already have a father? I'm pretty sure I passed him on the way here. He said 'Hi' to me. Nice guy, really. No idea what went wrong with you."

"Fine, then!" I can't be his father, so he pouts. He _pouts_. "I'll just be your brother, then! That's perfectly legit, right?"

"…Why are you going to such a great length to be related to me!?"

"…Can I please just be your father?"

"You know what, Luke? I really don't care anymore. You can be my freak of nature father who's younger than I am. And to make it even better… Bo can be my freak of nature mother who's also much younger than I am and one hundred percent male!" I say with mock sarcasam. "So, congratulations, Luke. You are my father."

"It's about time!" He suddenly got this dreamy look in his eyes. I back away even more "From now on, you can call me 'Daddy'!"

"…Hell no."

* * *

Not much longer after this experience, I awoke one night to find the one and only Harvest God (not the Goddess, mind you.) standing over me with a look of anger in his eyes. I won't go into detail about what happened next, but I'll just say Luke was mostly right. Mostly.

And after _that_ extremely traumatic experience (traumatic in more ways that one), I'll never swear again.


End file.
